Bisexuality evolves over time: What the research says

My last post described Alana, who is in a primary partnership with a woman but mostly dates men in her ethnically nonmonogamous relationship. I have also told about Melissa and Christina exploring bisexuality through nonmonogamy.

I have written about research on bisexuality before, covering the prevalence, what types of relationships bisexual people choose most often, and how sexual preference can evolve over time among women. Here I am going to elaborate on the latter point. I am concentrating on women because that is my area of focus, though bisexuality in men has its own set of fascinating questions.

Longitudinal research

Research variously defines bisexuality as having sex with people of both genders, attraction to both genders regardless of behavior, and self-identification.

You do not decide you are bisexual; it is something you discover within yourself. However, people clearly identify with different orientations over time. Dr. Lisa Diamond’s 10-year study of 79 women saw two-thirds change their identity over the research period.

In fact, Diamond’s study found most participants changing identity more than once. And rather than slide along the spectrum linearly—for example moving from straight to bisexual to lesbian—it was more common over time for people to shift toward bisexual or to say they were “unlabeled.”

Why would this be the case?

Diamond posits two possible models: bisexuality is its own orientation, or it is more generally indicative of a heightened capacity for sexual fluidity. She points out that a third possibility that is commonly cited, that bisexuality is a transition stage between straight and gay, is inconsistent with the fluctuations found in her research.

Alternative theories on why orientation changes

Other social scientists have hypothesized that bisexuality is less stable than hetero or lesbian because people are least familiar with it. Young people might assume they are straight or gay in the absence of bisexual role models, or because they don’t understand that they may have attraction to both genders while still preferring one over the other. Then, as they learn more about the possibilities and about themselves, they evolve.

There is clearly a strong social component as well. While homosexuality still brings stigma, bisexuality is even less supported in society. Revealing that you are attracted to men and women often results in continual negative social feedback. Our society is much more comfortable with binaries, leading to statements such as “But I thought you dated women!”

Both with age and with time, bisexuality may become more accepted. People need a strong sense of self to probe the nuance of real-life sexuality, which also comes with age.

What I find most interesting

I meet many vulva-owning people in their 40s and 50s who have attraction to both men and women. They self-identify in all sorts of ways: bisexual, pansexual, straight but with some attraction, interested in women sexually but not romantically, bisexual “from the waist up,” and more. I often hear a lot of tension when they describe it, as if they are unsure whether their preferences are valid, or they are preparing to have to justify their choices.

Some people tell me they always knew they were interested in multiple genders, while others aren’t sure whether these feelings were previously suppressed or evolved over time. Some credit a greater sense of safety in a new relationship that allows for exploration. Others say perimenopause makes them care less what society thinks of their orientation. Some people believe that aging can impact who you are attracted to.

To me what is most important is that you are in touch with what feels good and what doesn’t, and learn to communicate about it so you can have more of the former.